How Not To Make Love To A Fat Girl
By Yesika Starr
when we are sitting on your bed
our bodies all hungry tongues
and heavy breathing
when I’ve given up my clothes
to your teeth, your hands and the floor
please
do not
rub my belly
it’s weird
and totally not sexy
immediately I’ll think of
Buddha or Winnie The Pooh
and no woman
wants to think of either one
right before having sex
I know I come with a lot of extra
around my abdomen
and you probably want to show me
how you accept the whole of me
but that can be done in another way
be creative
consider it a challenge
teach me something new
but whatever you do
don’t sit there and rub my gut
like a genie lamp for five minutes
sex with someone new
is awkward for everyone
sex with someone new
when things about your body
often frighten you
is nerve wrecking
turning your self over
to another person
is one of the bravest acts
of surrender
I’ve yet to know
but boys
make it difficult
to be a fat girl graceful
In her body
often taking
my size as an invitation
to be ridiculous
dismantling my large
into body parts
when questioned
what they like about me
as if it were too much to ask
to find the whole of me desirable
and if all else fails
they assume the answer
“big girls are my thing’”
is supposed to make me
want to jump out of my panties
Or sometimes
there are boys
who will expect
my extra large body
to function
like that of their thinner lovers
and assume I am being modest
when I say no
to absurd suggestions
like,
having sex in the drivers seat
of a two door sports car
It’s fucken physically impossible
and has nothing to do
with my self esteem
I’ve learned everyone
comes with their own hangups
balding men
might not like it
when their lovers
trace their thinning hair
with an index finger
maybe someone with an extra toe
avoids dating people with foot fetishes
I am larger than most women
and sometimes I care about it
more than who I am with sleeping does
I worry about being attractive enough
to last further than when my lover exits me
I’ve often apologized for my size with silence
but you, darling, have met me in a new age
the best sex I ever had was with a man
who kissed and touched all of me
as if we were both discovering my skin for the first time
this is my new standard
and I am asking you
to make it yours too
so that when you make love
to the whole of me
my belly will feel included
without you turning me
into a Buddha statue
trust me,
you’ll get luckier
this way
More of Yesika’s work can be found at yesikastarr.tumblr.com
Reach her via twitter @yesikastarr
