Firstly, this is is nearly impossible to do. To find clear perspective on your feelings about someone can be tricky. In a certain way every relationship is usury but that does not mean it is bad. It can be a negative if you are engaged with a person whose personal character or personality are not otherwise compatible and you keep them in for life anyway because it lends you some form or another of personal advantage. Here are some tips to help keep ourselves accountable.
1. You Can Think Of Only One Reason You Spend Your Time With Them
If you find yourself complaining about a person and at the end of it all you take a deep breath and say ” if only she wasn’t so good looking!” You might want to examine why that is important enough to you to keep around that you otherwise would not.
2. Your Conversations Are Mono-dimensional
Conversations can be expected to sometimes hit a lull bit if you find yourself clinging to a single topic to avoid further connection it may be a sign that you have your guard up and may not actually be interested in this person’s well being.
3. Contact Initiation Is One Sided
This could be a symbol that you are being used as well. Not that if you are only interested in connecting when the other individual reaches out to you there may be some natural disinterest. A true friend is someone that will occur in your mind because there are several access points you share as a part of your relationship.
4. Purely Transactional
This is not inherently negative, professionalism often requires transactional relationships. A journalist and a subject should not be otherwise engaged personally as it contributes to a bias. This usury type of relationship can also be inappropriate when matters of the heart are at play. There should be a clarity of communication outlining what each person expects to gain from the relationship and it should be symbiotic.
5. Reoccurring Dismissal
Just beyond the transaction, does the relationship have any life? This does not have to mean sex but, it can also mean sports, other activities. Note that if you do not feel a deeper concern for the other person, a kinship, or commonality then it may be one relationship that is maintained purely for personal reasons. A true bond is one where it makes you feel good to see the other person do well..
*** BONUS*** Talk Behind Their Back
If you find that you have unflattering things to say about someone with regularity, then it may become clear that you don’t actually like them. Most often we share our true feelings about people when they are absent be that positive or negative.