Your body is yours.
You can loan it out but it always leaves with you
Smelling like them
Their fingers imprinted on your soft skin
You will feel them hovering but they are no longer in touching distance
The next day, you will smile wider than you ever have before
You will walk with new confidence knowing you are braver than most
Knowing you laugh in the face of a challenge and have found others that will too.
Everything will remind you of a magic that exists now only in your memory
Attempting to recreate it, is an free fall with no safety net
He is not to be trusted
He is tantalized by the allure of what you created but will never fully credit you for the smile on his face
The smooth in his stride
He will call you a genius but never reconcile all the other names he calls you in secret
He will never understand how you spell cast or who you are writing to in the middle of every night
He will never care to know
You did all this
So he could smile after
She will follow, wherever you lead
Women are loyal this way
Girls fuck him solo and lie to your face
Boys push hard enough to force the porcelain of your face to shatter and then remark on how patched together you now look
Boys are a cruel awaking you can never underestimate
Threesomes are about the spirit more than parts pressed.
About connection and wanting to create a moment that outlasts you.
The first time you are with her
You will fuck an apology into her
Will beg her orgasms to sing a song sweet enough to erase the compromise you made of her
You will hug and kiss her as long as she wants to
Because you owe her, at least that
You will avoid the typical destruction most fall hopelessly into
Fantasizing about a moment they could never manage
The flesh is a fool and the heart, always wants what it wants.
Your feelings will messy themselves all over the conversations to come.
You will be fine though.
You will come through this.
It just may not be, together.
(originally published Feb 15th, 2014)