media – Citizens Of Culture

So Juicy: Why We Can’t Keep Secrets

C2O Editor Conversation Pieces ben franlin, dora, freud, gossip, media, psychology or secrets, rumors, secrets, trust 0

The world is a crazy place. Did you hear about the Austrian guy who kept his daughter locked in the basement and fathered her seven children?! It’s a story so radical that it shocks everyone that hears the tale and its not even the wildest one. The other day there was a documentary on that talked about 9/11 actually being a complete hoax to start a war in the middle east for oil!! That is a mind blowing piece of information to go public, you never really know what the government is up to. That’s not all, just when you think racism is getting better, TMZ publishes an audio tape of Clippers owner, Donald Sterling expressing very questionable views on who his girlfriend brings to his games.

Some might say this is news, other people might say it is gossip or even rumors. We question the validity of these stories and criticize how they are delivered all while we discuss and share them. We’re not really sure if Kim and Kanye will actually have three weddings, and some of us don’t really care but that doesn’t mean its not trending. Some argue its because the media is shoving the gossip in our faces for profit. Some of that might be true but just because someone puts a steak in front of you doesn’t mean you’ll eat it .

If we look at the media today, it would seem that we are bombarded with gossip, rumors, conspiracy theories, and every other scandal that will get us to click. The question is, Why we continue to do so? Do we even really need the media’s help for this at all? Ben Franklin once wrote, ” Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead “. He implies that it is impossible for people to keep their mouths closed about something important, incriminating, or controversial.

So why do we do it? “Juicy” is the word we use to describe these bits of information, visually it reminds of a piece of fruit that is bursting with so much actual juice you can’t help but get it all over everything. The same is true for secrets, gossip, and rumors. In Fragment of an Analysis of a case of Hysteria Sigmund Freud claims, “No mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his finger-tips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.” In 1905 Freud observes Dora, a young girl restlessly fidgeting with the clasp on her hand bag and makes the observation that is is a sign of repressed emotion.

“You’re only as sick as your secrets.” is a saying used in Alcoholics Anonymous. Some psychologists say our inability to keep secrets stems from guilt. The repression of a secret or “intrusive thought” grows over time and takes up more space in our subconscious and that there is only a small group of people that can effectively suppress these thoughts,to a point they even keep secrets from themselves.

The idea of needing to tell a secret isn’t foreign. We’ve all heard someone say that they just have to “vent” or tell someone because the secret is driving them crazy. If we take a look form this perspective it might be that we need a second opinion on the matter, not only to ease the psychological pressure but for assistance in processing the gravity of the information. We rely on people we trust with this information, not necessarily because we trust them to keep it from spreading but that we trust them to support us in coping.

Spreading a juicy secret, gossip, or a rumor doesn’t have to be true or even pleasant, only has to effect us. It is the same way we spread tips about great restaurants, or our own relationship troubles. We know humans are social mammals, and just like elephants or whales, we migrate collectively in patterns and sometimes we even stamped. If someone shares a warning of imminent danger, that message will move quickly through our culture. This message begins to shape our behavior, as exemplified by the 1950’s trend of preparing bomb shelters. It would be difficult for an average citizen to verify the threat of nuclear attack all on their own so they acted based on the guidance of trusted members of the community, of which media is a part.

Ironically, trust is the biggest opponent of secrets and at the same time, their catalyst. So when we speak we must be conscious of the nature of the information we share, to whom, how, and in what context. The media plays a large part but now we are all members of the media. You never know if by sharing a secret you are starting a stampede.

Sarah Beall: Make Love Not Porn

C2O Editor Citizens cindy gallup, make love not porn, media, realworldsex, sara beall, start-up, tech 1

We all know the porn industry is fake (at least we should). The sounds are fake, the angles highlight penetration and not what is necessarily pleasurable, and above all we know we don’t actually look like that when we have sex. So why do we watch it? Probably for the same reason we go see alien movies, because mainstream porn is about as close to real life as Prometheus. An even bigger question might be, is this good for us? Mainstream porn shows men with engorged genitalia repeatedly ramming themselves into women making noises that sound like the over dubs are from national geographic. That is all well and good, but couldn’t we get our rocks off with something a bit more closer to life?What effect would this have on how pornography is perceived, received, and dare I say, shared?

Founder, Cindy Gallop and her team at MakeLoveNotPorn.tv recognize this dilemma and have made it their mission to provide an alternative. They present real world sex in a playful, sexy, online community that is not only delivering good content, but breathing new life into an industry that has thus far been centered on titillation. MLNP has a woman run majority at the helm, which is already a departure from traditional porn. Part of that team is Sarah Beall, the sites curator and community manager. Sarah, is a former script writer from the mainstream sector and now uses that experience to communicate and work with users and their content.

This position is one that makes MakeLoveNotPorn.tv different than other, professed, user generated amateur sites. Sarah is not buying content that she thinks will do well to sell adds on their site. Her job is to help avail the best possible content to her audience. Their make-love-not-porn stars split profits with MNLP on videos by the number of times they are rented. Some filmmakers have been able to add a few nights out dining a week and others have been able to upgrade to better equipment and reinvest in their projects.

Sarah’s position is pivotal for the company. Their videos are not only able to be rented but gifted as well. In this way it becomes important to have content that is not just stimulating but valuable. Sarah encourages make-love-not-porn stars to create context in their films either via foreplay or personal introductions of their videos, and they all have trailers. It is not just a simple scene with a milkman and a house wife, these are real people in real relationships. Madame Curator, Sarah’s alias on the site, strives to maintain integrity and portray connection and authenticity with the selections she adds to the site. It is a needed change in the adult film community but also in how media is distributed to our generation as well. She ensures consent, context, and that is as non-performative as possible.

“MNLP is not anti porn.”, Sarah clearly states. Some of their users are porn performers for a living, their tagline is “Pro-sex. Pro-porn. Pro-knowing the difference.” She says, “It has become harder and harder to tell the difference between what is real sex and what is not.” A lot of the amateur porn online that is billed that way is often not. Sarah recalls writing scripts where the intent was to make the performance seem amateur. And, because there are few representations of what real world sex looks like on line people will almost, inadvertently copy the way porn is shot. The idea with real world sex from MNLP’s perspective is not to simply get the penetration shots, but to capture a moment that is authentic sensual, or even intimate. It becomes less about the specific angles and more about the energy of the people involved. It is actually recommended that make-love-not-porn stars do not set up their scenes but capture them as they are happening when possible.

On the MakeLoveNotPorn.tv blog you will find stories and testimonials from their stars and mentions of how the process of filming, and publishing their sex have effected their relationships and love live. The community is diverse, not all the couples are married, they are not all straight, in fact they are not always couples. The age, personality, and body types all range on MakeLoveNotPorn.tv as broadly as the range of people you would see in our culture. You might think that there are more exhibitionists on the site but that would be far from correct. Some people are in fact very shy and may not show their face or share their identity. The MNLP team does maintain the real identity of all its participants for age and consent reasons.

MakeLoveNotPorn.tv is a new model for adult content on the web impacting not only how porn is consumed, but also how it is created. The people are not actors, the scenes are not staged, and the sex is real, as it should be.

For more information visit makelovenotporn.tv